If you're like plenty of folks in today's world, you have been awfully hurt or wronged, abused or mistreated and to make it worse, it was more than likely by a loved one or trusted friend. The discomfort it has caused you will not go and you are in an emotional prison as a result.
It may be that over the passing of time, justice is being delivered when or if the ones who caused the harm are made to pay for the injustice or pain they inflicted on you. If not justice, perhaps, it may be the consequences of what they did has come back full circle to injure them because of their previous actions.
However, to accept that retribution or some form of justice will bring the healing and reassurance important to move on, is to be mislead and is a set-up for major dissatisfaction. And, what if justice isn't served and people who failed you or inflicted such ghastly discomfort, never pay for it in any way? What do you do then?
It doesn’t matter what you think or believe, the only real way to true healing and restoration is thru giving forgiveness to the one who created the pain in your life. Certainly, plenty will cringe at the very idea of forgiving the one responsible for so much agony in their lives. From a man’s or "rational" viewpoint, it makes no sense in any way. Yet, there's no larger power to allow us to go from the pain, inflicted by another, than to excuse the person who caused it.
Harboring unforgiveness is destructive and can end up in tragic effects. It's like a fire that smolders in the heart and smothers the soul. It's so insidious that one can be absolutely blind to the damage it is doing, until it is too late.
Unforgiving people live as victims and spend a lot of their time and energy justifying it. They're obsessed with the wrong done to them and are fast to point out, to anyone who will listen, the lack of understanding folk have regarding how much they have suffered or the agony they have endured. Honestly, they're right. Most people can't, nor will they ever, truly understand the the hurting of someone else. Yet, what is the benefit of remaining in that torment and attempting to draw others into that anguish along with them? Where is the healing in that?
People who do not forgive are fast to claim rights. They can be highly receptive to any injustices cast on them, without reference to how small the wrong done. They're obsessed with the wrong actions that happened to them during the past and are absolutely certain no one's circumstances were as bad as theirs were. They take no small pleasure in the power their pain appears to give them over friends and enemies alike, as they need more and more pity and understanding. They're blind to the pain their refusing to forgive inflicts on others not understanding or caring that focusing all their attention on their own pain only serves to make everyone else around them unhappy. Briefly, unforgiving people are some of the most unhappy folks in the world. All signs that would, if they were willing to listen, cold warn them to the damage being done to their souls, as they choose to live out their lives not forgiving others.
If unforgiveness is an argument for you, as it is for so many individuals, what can be done about it? The very first thing, is to recognise that your Heavenly Father has extended an offer of unconditional forgiveness to you, should you choose to accept the offer. You receive it by believing in His Son Jesus Christ and admitting that He is Lord and then requesting for God's forgiveness. The Bible says we are all sinners and are in desperate need of His forgiveness so we will be reconciled to our Heavenly Father.
After you receive His forgiveness, His Word says that the power you will receive is that of Our Lord God, thru His Holy Spirit who comes to reside inside of you, to do what your Heavenly Father desires, like forgive others regardless of how horrible the violation or abuse. It does not mean you deny the evildoing or pain it caused or that you attempt to excuse it or justify it in any way. It'd be disingenuous and demeaning not to recognize and acknowledge something awfully hurtful and inexcusable was done to you and that it never should have happened. To do therefore would minimise the seriousness of forgiveness and its power to bring healing to isn't just some good feeling or changed emotion towards someone. Forgiving is an act of the will. We have the obligation, and the authority as children of Our Lord God, to offer to others the very forgiveness that God has given us. That's what Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:21-35, and be assured He wouldn't tell us to do something we didn't have the power to do thru Him!
Where does forgiving begin, assuming the one who needs to forgive has been forgiven by God, is already in relationship with Him and has His power to supply it to another? This will come as a surprise, but step 1 is to look at what's happened to our heart following the wounding or offense. Did it result in deep-seated anger, acrimony or resentment? Did we speak unlovingly about them to others? Did we retaliate in some form? If this is the case we are quite as guilty before God as the one who did harm to us and we must confess that to God. Irrespective of what they originally did to us, we must confess our hatred, antagonism or anger towards our offender. This does not in any way minimize or affirm their action. Its purpose is to allow our heart to be cleaned from our own sinful reaction to the offense, so that it is free to forgive and be healed.
Another forceful step to add in the forgiveness process is to bless your offender each time you are reminded about what they did and the pain they caused you. I Peter 3:8-9 tells uss ;
"To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, loving, kindhearted and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you could inherit a blessing."
When you bless others who've hurt or cursed you, God says, you will get a blessing as a result. Blessings promote healing, not only for you but also for those that have offended or hurt you. That is God's final wish, that all concerned be healed, forgiven and restored.
You may write a letter that you do not SEND to the person who hurt you. Tell them everything that they did that hurt you and how you feel as a result. If you're irritated with them, tell them. Be very honest. Writing touches the emotional side of our brain and allows us to get in touch with what we are truly feeling. It has been related that most Christians are stuck in their anger because they deny it exists.
Get alone with the Lord God, once you've written everything you want to say and read it out loud to Him, making sure that nobody else can hear you. After you've expounded ( and screamed ) everything you wanted to say and make a conscious choice to forgive, recalling that you can only actually forgive with the Lord God's help and power. Then say, "In Jesus Name (because that's where your power and authority comes from) I forgive you".
Go through every name of those who offended you and say in particular the reasons you are giving them forgiveness. The next step should be "I release you and I bless you." When you bless them, try blessing them in every way you want God to bless you. You will soon begin to notice that joy and blessings and love will begin to flow in your heart and life again. Be sure and destroy the letter!
Restoration of a broken relationship is a deserving goal, there are circumstances and situations where it isn't possible or practical; like when the offender has died or is no longer psychologically cognizant. Or when somebody has been the victim of rape. With no regard for the crime or pain inflicted upon the victim, there will be no healing apart from forgiveness and there will be no forgiveness apart from the power of God to do so.
God's desire is for you to to live in freedom from the prison of unforgiveness and guarantees you the power to do it. Take a step forward by asking Him and your prison doors could swing open in minutes. Let the transforming power of forgiveness flood your heart and you will never be the same.
"And so I discovered that it isn't on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness the world's healing hinges, but on God's. When He tells us to like our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself." Corrie Ten Boom.
To find out more about having a relationship with God and discovering His love that will that will lead you to a life of freedom click on: How To Forgive Someone
To watch our video click on: How To Forgive Someone
