A big part of associated with someone else is staying in the present with them and experiencing immediate thoughts of their actions, words and feelings and then having the ability to respond in an instant. So frequent we are desperately worried about what perception we are making on others, we've little internal space for taking in every new impression with them.
Therefore, we become restricted in our perceptions of them. In this instance, we restrict our perceptions by how we are imagining them to be receiving us and it may have absolutely nothing to do with what is really going on with them. It's also not easy to stay in the present moment with another person whenever we actually have a well-formed preconception of who they really are. Our pre-formed psychological representation filters how we interpret any new impressions of them.
Our minds arranges our experience by delivering past connections to new experience, to make certain that we swiftly put new resources into old groups and frequent skip the chance for any new experience. To be able to prevent this automatic function from completely ruling how we experience new impressions, we need to make an effort not to do so. If we can't develop new connections, we get jammed in repeated experiences and frequent discover ourselves jammed in the same old conflicts with others.
The reason we experience conflicts with others is the fact that we habitually develop a series of views and feelings to a reaction. Our responses become an emotional fact about our connection with someone else. We take our thoughts to be truth. Often, there is a judgment linked to this "fact", i.e., the other person has done anything that has harmed us in a few ways and we feel angry, or hurt and generally wronged.
We keep these "truth" in which there is already a narrative regarding what has occurred and who said and did what, and how we judge each of these actions. We decide as to how we want to relate to this person later on determined by these facts, frequent deciding that we don't wish to relate with them. Occasionally, our minds go over and over these stories, adjusting them a bit here and there, as whenever rehearsing for a play. We place ourselves as whenever on a stage.
It is a challenging question to answer why we keep these emotional judgments. What do we gain by holding onto our "truth" if this looks like our mental creations eliminate the room for brand new impressions, new understandings, new resources and new understandings of events or feelings about events? Our masterpieces cause it to be impossible to relate to the other person. We are these days only associated with our personal feelings about this particular individual or experience.
There are many possible interpretations of our personal behaviors, as frequent many things are occurring within us at any one time; and there are actually equally as many possible causes for any other persons responses. The intersection of any two people in an occasion that provokes either or each of them turns into a multi-layered complexity that can't be easily minimized to any one simple meaning.
Whenever these complex emotional events are untangled through the process of each individual telling their side of the experience and expressing their thoughts, to make certain that each individual gets aware of all the many layers of meaning, it might be a challenge to hold on to a one-sided, simplistic position. Our emotional "truth" recede when we can listen to the complexity of another persons encounter and understand how little our "truth" need to do with what's going on for them.
Part of the entire process of untangling is to point out what you want the other person to hear about what has occurred for you. Getting more in contact with your own demand for having your feeling recognized through the other person, can relieve a few of the need to hang on to the narrative, your "fact." Occasionally, our predetermined stories disappear whenever they have been listened to and recognized by the other person.
When either or both individuals in a conflict hold the multi-layered, frequent paradoxical nature of their own feelings and behaviors, their new perspective helps to them to listen less defensively to the other individual. They might come to notice that the need to defend themselves by holding onto a preconceived place avoids them from being present and indeed relating to the other person. Being less defensive is an opening to being more present.
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