The statement “Nice Guys Finish Last” might ring true for a lot of shy men.
A common theme I’ve seen with shy guys is “I’ll always be nice no matter what”. Despite what the situation is they easily forgive others.
Incidents where we’re forgiving others pile up more and more and we remember it in a bad light.
I wondered for quite some time why overly nice guys are still nice after being ‘pushed’ around and realized it came down to one factor.
That behavior comes from FEAR.
And here’s why many times nice guys finish last…
We become even NICER when others are disapproving of us so we don’t lose whatever is left of that approval.
(That describes me back when I didn’t have a clue.)
The result of this is the exact opposite of what you set out for. People will generally keep you from getting their approval when they see you working so hard to get it. This is so you continue going the extra mile for whatever is left. This leaves you tired, exhausted and wondering why your efforts seldom get you lasting results.
What you really need to be doing is the exact opposite. When others do things to you that you don’t like make sure to voice out or do something. To make yourself more valuable you have to make YOUR attention and approval more scarce.
Don’t tolerate it when others tread on your personal time, property or your self-respect.
Don’t lose composure when you do make a stand though. If someone only keeps in touch over the phone or internet and always flakes when you’re supposed to meet. Make sure to cut them away, don’t reply to their text messages, don’t talk to them anymore. What will happen is they’ll call months later when things aren’t going well for them and that’s when they ask why you lost in touch.
And if you want to stack power on your favor just say “From all those times you flaked spoke louder than you sitting behind the computer typing ‘yea haven’t seen each other in a while’ so I left it at that”.
Depending whether it’s male or female you’ll talk different. Flakiness is usually common with women.
If you want to learn more about why nice guys finish last and how OTHERS think about you to get an advantage in social interactions then read more articles at surfsocialwaves.com/blog
Talk to you again!
Your friend,
Chris C.
