My husband and I are actually soul mates. We loved each other from the minute we very first met at a school dance. We both went home that particular night (little did we know) and shared with our parents that tonight we actually met the person we were going to get married to. Directly after we got hitched, we moved with my parents to look for work and then start our new lives. It absolutely was exciting, but we didn't have a place of our own to live right away.
My father talked us into living with them for a while until eventually we were financially sound enough to get our own house. Little did we know, a month after moving into the new house together with them, my father would leave my own mother, leaving us to care for my legally blind mother and my younger brother. We took over for paying for the bills and keeping things going in the appropriate direction, along with making use of my mother's disability checks.
Actually, the house was still my mothers, simply because it was in her name, and all the possessions inside it were hers except for what we had in our bedroom. We lived by her rules of the house still, just as I always did growing up as a kid. Call when you are going home, tell me your plans, whenever are you coming and going, share your financials..... Really still a kid in a mother's home.
We paid our share of the home payment, bills, food items, etc and for a little bit it was working. We had our bickering and such, nonetheless mainly everything went along smoothly. We were basically just frustrated we still had all our possessions in one bedroom, were still living by my mother's rules of the house, and still hadn't moved ahead with a life of our own.
At the ten year marker it became clear that we were actually slipping away from one another. My husband and I were fighting more, which quickly lead to more fighting with my own mother, and frequently the question came up whether or not I loved him even more than my family. In one particular dispute, he told me that I would have to make a choice: my own mother or him. Naturally, later in conversation, my mother gave me the same ultimatum.
I searched my heart and did a save my marriage today review. Though I would always love my mother and always would like to be close to her, it absolutely was becoming more and more clear that we could not share a home living the way we did. I simply had to tell her that we could not live together anymore to save my marriage. By this time, my parents had been dating once more for quite a little while and they had decided to get remarried, so it wasn't like she didn't have anyplace to go.
I just told her that my husband is my future and the rest of my life. Although she will always be my mother and an integral part of my life, I want to move ahead with my life with my husband by my side. To do this, we really need our own home, build our very own life, and do it right on our own.
I still sincerely loved her and I didn't want to spoil our relationship by continuously fighting. Understanding this was the starting point towards years of joy and happiness to come. We went our different ways with our living arrangements, yet we became tighter as a family because we were living separately. My hubby and I became so much closer than ever and discovered our initial love growing with our brand new life together. At the end of the day, we actually had to get rid of my own mom to save my marriage today.
