My husband and I really are soul mates. We sincerely loved each other from the minute we very first met at a school dance. We both went home that specific night (little did we know) and shared with our parents that tonight we actually met the person we were going to marry. Directly after we got wedded, we moved with my parents to be able to look for work to start our new lives. It absolutely was exciting, but we didn't have a home of our own to live straight away.
My father talked us into living together with them for a while until we were money-wise sound enough to actually buy our own house. Little did we know, a month after moving into the new house together with them, my father would leave my very own mother, leaving us to care for my legally blind mama and my younger brother. We took over for paying for the bills and keeping things going in the proper direction, along with using my mother's disability checks.
Actually, the house was still my mothers, because it was in her name, and all the possessions inside it were hers except for what we actually had in our bedroom. We lived by her rules of the house still, just as I consistently did growing up as a young child. Call when you are on your way home, tell me your plans, when are you coming and going, disclose your financials..... Really still a child in a mother's home.
We paid our share of the property payment, bills, groceries, etc and for a little bit it was working. We had our quarrels and such, nonetheless mainly everything went along efficiently. We were basically just frustrated we still had most of our possessions in one bedroom, were still living by my mother's rules of the household, and still hadn't moved forward with a life of our own.
At the 10 year marker it became evident that we were actually slipping away from one another. My husband and I were fighting more, which quickly lead to more fighting with my very own mother, and usually the question came up whether or not I loved him even more than my family. In one particular disagreement, he told me that I must make a choice: my very own mother or him. Of course, later in conversation, my own mother gave me the exact same ultimatum.
I searched my heart and did a save my marriage today review. Though I would always love my mama and always would like to be close to her, it was becoming more and more apparent that we could not share a place living the way we did. I needed to tell her that we could not live together any longer to save my marriage. By this time, my parents had been dating again for quite a while and they had made a decision to get remarried, so it wasn't like she didn't have somewhere else to go.
I simply told her that my husband is my future and the rest of my life. Although she will always be my mama and a part of my life, I needed to move ahead with my life along with my husband by my side. In order to do this, we needed our own space, build our own personal life, and do it right on our own.
I still loved her and I didn't want to mess up our relationship by frequently fighting. Understanding this was the starting point towards years of happiness and joy to come. We went our separate ways with our living arrangements, yet somehow we became much closer as a family since we were living separately. My spouse and I became so much closer than ever and discovered our initial love growing with our brand new life together. At the end of the day, we actually had to get rid of my very own mom to save my marriage today.
