Because we have so many misunderstands about jealousy, it becomes hard to really know how to deal with jealousy. It's hard to deal with it when we don't really know that much about it. There's just too much unknown energy around jealousy.
So I'd like to mention a few characteristics of jealousy; what it really is and what it really can do to you. This won't be pretty! But it's important to know these facts.
You disrespect yourself when you get jealous.
You don't honor and respect yourself when you get stuck in jealousy. You're saying that what the other person is doing is more important than you. That's devaluing yourself. "Their actions become more important than who I am as a person."
You drain your power when you're jealous.
Surprise! You just gave your power away when you got jealous. Of course that power can't be used by them. So it's not like they become stronger and more powerful. Quite the contrary. However you don't get to use your power either, when you act jealous. And along those same lines, here's another fact about jealousy:
Jealousy makes you powerless.
Look, when you become powerless, bad things usually happen We all have a natural tendency to lash out at others when we feel powerless. As a way to try to feel powerful. When jealousy isn't attended to, it can end up in violence; at least in extreme cases. You don't want that!
Jealousy naturally flows into rage.
Rage begins when you become powerless. Powerlessness always creates rage. That's what powerlessness is. When you feel powerless, and you don't resolve those feelings, it will become rage. The solution involves actually feeling the powerlessness - just feel it cleanly, and don't tell yourself a story about what it means to be powerless. Just by feeling it and releasing it you'll become more powerful. Strange, but true!
That's because when you feel anything (cleanly) then it lifts your resonance as your heart processes out the feelings. (In this case, your heart processes the feelings of powerlessness.)
There is no good side to jealousy.
The assumption that jealousy means you're in love, or shows your love, is a common misconception. But that's not love. Love is not about suffering and martyring yourself. Rather, love is about feeling love. It's all the faulty beliefs we hold about love that cause us to end up feeling martyrhood and pain as opposed to that wonderful feeling of love itself.
Jealousy consists of a mental construct - a fabricated story.
You have to make up stories to yourself to get jealous. Period. You have to conjure stories in your own mind. And the stories are always painful. Sometimes, very painful. You get further and further off-center and more and more powerless while at the same time traveling away from your own true feelings.
So what is the most basic story?
Jealousy says there's not enough to go around, so I'll be denied. I won't get any.
When it comes to relationships, it's easy to recognize this. I'm with someone - and there's only one of them. But they could be lost to me. The object of my affection could leave. But I think I'll tell myself a story rather than deal with that fear.
At this point jealousy has become what's called a tape loop. Where I end up thinking the same destructive thoughts over and over like I'm on a hamster wheel. While nothing is getting resolved. And that's such a shame, because it's really not that hard to end. I did it. And so can you. It starts by going to this page on how to deal with jealousy and following the straightforward instructions it offers. Because you're worth it!
