If you're like plenty of folks in the modern day world, you have been deeply injured or wronged, abused or maltreated and to make it worse, it was most likely done at the hand of a family member or trusted friend. The discomfort it has caused you won't go and you are in an emotional prison as a consequence.
It may be that over the passage of time, justice is being delivered when or if the ones who caused the harm are made to pay for the injustice or discomfort they caused to you. If not justice, maybe, it may be that the results of what they did returns to hurt them because of their previous actions.
Nevertheless to believe that retribution or some form of justice will bring the healing and assurance important to move on, is to be mislead and is a set-up for major disappointment. And, what if justice isn't served and those who failed you or inflicted such ghastly discomfort, never pay for it in any way? What do you do then?
Like it or not, the only way to true healing and restoration is thru forgiveness. Surely, many will wince at the very thought of forgiving the one responsible for so much agony in their lives. From a human or "rational" viewpoint, it makes little sense at all . Yet, there is no bigger power to allow us to go from the discomfort, brought on us by someone else, than to excuse the one that caused it.
Harboring unforgiveness is deleterious and can cause tragic effects. It is like a fire that smolders in the heart and smothers the soul. It is so insidious that one can be absolutely ignorant of the damage it is doing, till it is too late.
People who are unwilling to forgive live life as victims and spend much of their time and energy justifying it. They're obsessed with the incorrect done to them and are quick to point out, to anyone who will listen, the absence of understanding folk have concerning how much they have suffered or the agony they have endured. Truthfully, they're right. Most people can't, nor will they ever, actually understand the the hurting of someone else. Yet, what is the benefit of remaining in that misery and trying to draw others into that unhappiness along with them? There is absolutely no healing in that?
Unforgiving people are fast to claim rights. They can be highly responsive to any injustices done to them, with no regard for how little the wrong done. They're obsessed with the bad things that occurred to them during the past and are absolutely certain no one's circumstances were as unpleasant as theirs were. They take no small pleasure in the power their discomfort seems to give them over other individuals and enemies alike, as they require more pity and understanding. They're blind to the discomfort their unforgiveness inflicts on others not understanding or caring that dwelling on their discomfort only serves to make everyone else around them unhappy. Briefly, unforgiving people are a selection of the most unhappy people you could ever know. All signs that might, if they were listening, cold alert them to the damage being done to their souls, as they choose to live out their unforgiveness.
If unforgiveness is an issue for you, as it is for such a lot of people, is there something you can do about your lack of forgiving? The very first thing, is to recognise that your Heavenly Father has extended an offer of unconditional forgiveness to you, should you choose to receive it. You receive it by believing in His Son Jesus Christ and admitting that He's Lord and then asking for God's forgiveness. God’s Word asserts we are all sinners and are in desperate need of God forgiving us so that we will be reconciled to our Heavenly Father.
When you receive His forgiveness, God’s Word says that you then will receive the power of God, thru His Holy Spirit who comes to reside inside of you, to do what your Heavenly Father desires, like forgiving others regardless of how awful the violation or abuse. It does not mean you reject the wrong-doing or discomfort it caused or that you try and excuse it or explain it in any way. It'd be disingenuous and demeaning not to recognise and acknowledge something terribly hurtful and inexcusable which, had brought so much harm or pain and their was absolutely no reason for it. To do therefore would minimize the significance of forgiveness and its power to bring healing to isn't just some good feeling or altered emotion towards an individual. Forgiving is an act of the will. We've got the responsibility, and the authority as children of Our Lord God, to offer to others the forgiveness that God has given us. That is what Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:21-35, and be assured He wouldn't tell us to do something we didn't have the power to do thru Him!
Where does forgiving start, presuming the one who needs to forgive has been forgiven by God, is already in relationship with Him and has His power to supply it to another? This may come as a surprise, but step 1 is to look at what's happened to our heart following the wounding or offense. Did it result in deep-seated anger, resentment or acrimony? Did we speak unlovingly about them to others? Did we retaliate in some shape? If this is so we are pretty much as guilty before God as our offender and we must confess that to Him. Regardless of what they originally did to us, we must confess our hatred, antagonism or hate towards our offender. This does not in any way minimize or affirm their action. Its purpose is to allow our heart to be cleaned from our own sinful reaction to the offense, so it is free to forgive and be healed.
Another strong step to take in the forgiveness process is to praise your offender every time you think of what they did and the discomfort they caused you. I Peter 3:8-9 asserts ;
"To sum up, all of you be harmonious, considerate, loving, kindhearted and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the purpose that you might inherit a blessing."
When you bless others who have hurt or cursed you, God says, you will get a blessing as a consequence. Blessings promote healing, not only for you but also for those that have offended or hurt you. That's God's ultimate desire, that all concerned be healed, forgiven and revived.
You can also write a letter that you do not SEND to the individual that hurt you. Tell them everything which they did that hurt you and how you feel as a consequence. If you're angry with them, tell them. Be very truthful. Writing touches the emotional side of our brain and allows us to get in touch with what we are actually feeling. It's been claimed that most Christians are stuck in their fury because they reject it exists.
Get beside and alone with the Lord God, once you've written everything you need to say and read it out loud to Him, making certain that no-one else can hear you. After you've said ( and yelled ) everything you needed to say and make a conscious choice to forgive, recalling that you can only really forgive with the Lord God's help and power. Then say, "In Jesus Name (because that's where your power and authority comes from) I forgive you".
List the name(s) of your offender and say specifically what you are forgiving them for. Follow that up with "I release you and I bless you." When you bless them, try blessing them in each way you want God to praise you. You will soon begin to notice that joy and blessings and love will start to flow in your heart and life again. Be certain to destroy the letter!
Restoration of a damaged relationship is a worthy goal, there are circumstances and situations where it isn't possible or pragmatic; like when the offender has died or is no longer psychologically cognizant. Or when somebody has been the victim of rape. With no regard for the crime or pain inflicted on the victim, there will be no healing apart from giving forgiveness and there will be no forgiveness aside from the power of Almighty God to do so.
God longs for you to be set free from the prison of unforgiveness and guarantees you the power to do it. Take a step forward by asking Him and your prison doors could swing wide open today. Let God's transforming power of forgiveness flood your heart and you may never be the same.
"And so I found out that it's not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on God's. When He tells us to like our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself." Corrie Ten Boom.
To discover more about having a relationship with God and experiencing His love that will truly set you free go to: How To Forgive Someone
To watch our video go to: How To Forgive Someone
